His Backpack

SwedishDemocracy: my backpack is gonna be so heavy
NAW Chris: why, are you gonna be in it?
SwedishDemocracy: no, im carrying a list of all the men your mom has slept with
NAW Chris: oh
NAW Chris: well that could do it too

Where I Slept

SwedishDemocracy: and you went to bed at...
SwedishDemocracy: ?
NAW Chris: your mom's house
NAW Chris: oh you meant time
 

Pointing the Finger

SwedishDemocracy: were gonna be pointing the finger
NAW Chris: point the finger at my asshole, bob, just don't complain when i "accidentally" back into it
ocnwo hbk of dx: Ha eww
SwedishDemocracy: my god
SwedishDemocracy: dont even say that chris
SwedishDemocracy: or ill be forced to ask you again

Some X-Rated Original Poems

NAW Chris: "terra was great
he massaged my sector,
now i know why they call him
the weener inspector"
SwedishDemocracy: haha sector
SwedishDemocracy: terras the kind of guy that likes it hard, he takes it good until his hole is scarred
NAW Chris: one night with terra and i was feelin' fab, but i woke the next day itchin with crabs
SwedishDemocracy: haha fab
SwedishDemocracy: itchy terra was his name, spreadin crabs was his game
NAW Chris: bob's mom dropped her pants and i wanted to flee, but long story short i now have VD
SwedishDemocracy: chris' moms got the crabs, and not the kind you eat at Dads
NAW Chris: out on the corner bob's whoring again, too bad all his customers are just dirty old men
SwedishDemocracy: who said blacks were big, i just did ant and hes smaller than a twig
NAW Chris: dennis invited me over to play some video games, but when i got there all he wanted to do was double team me with james
SwedishDemocracy: dennis wanted to have me over after school, then he told me anal sex was cool
SwedishDemocracy: dennis and i watched a movie, then i felt his hand getting groovy
NAW Chris: ant asked to borrow a sock, i had no idea he planned to beat off his cock
NAW Chris: together we watched porn at the computer we manned, when it came time to jack off bob and i used each other's hand
SwedishDemocracy: ant was so good, he'd give a dead man wood
NAW Chris: bob's mom may be an ugly bitch, but she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch
 

Eating

SwedishDemocracy: wanna play cs
NAW Chris: let me finish eating
SwedishDemocracy: thatll take forever
NAW Chris: i'm not you
NAW Chris: i stop
 

Malcolm In the Middle

Makaveli Sanders: mom, dad, i wanna be a pig
Makaveli Sanders: did u see malcolm tonight
NAW Chris: do i look 15?
NAW Chris: you fuck
 

Dennis

SwedishDemocracy: den drinks whiskey by the bucket, if its alive he'll fuck it
NAW Chris: or claim to have
SwedishDemocracy: yeah
 

Playing Counter-Strike

SwedishDemocracy: shall we (play)?
NAW Chris: no
SwedishDemocracy: COME ON CHRIS
NAW Chris: i don't have time for that kid stuff anymore
NAW Chris: i'm a full-on intellectual now
NAW Chris: did i spell that right?
 

My Finger

NAW Chris: i bit off too much fingernail and now it hurts to type
NAW Chris: with that finger
SwedishDemocracy: yeah
NAW Chris: it's bright red and swollen
SwedishDemocracy: wanna cry about it?
NAW Chris: i did already, but thanks
 

Weight

NAW Chris: i weighed in at 163 yesterday
SwedishDemocracy: haha
SwedishDemocracy: shouldnt a man be around 200?
NAW Chris: what do you weigh?
NAW Chris: who's closer to 200 i wonder
 

AIM "[Name Here] Is Typing" Feature

SwedishDemocracy: i love that NAW CHRIS IS TYPING feature
SwedishDemocracy: i can tell when youre gonna throw out some stupid insult
NAW Chris: you're should say "SwedichDemocracy is fat... and typing"
 

Bob's Stolen CD Player and CD

SwedishDemocracy: the person even took the cd that was in my cd player
NAW Chris: so you took your cds out but left one in the player?
SwedishDemocracy: yeah
SwedishDemocracy: fuck it was my new def lep cd too
NAW Chris: i would've left that shit
 

Dennis's Mom

SwedishDemocracy: wheres dennis
NAW Chris: dennis had to get off because his mom went to bed
SwedishDemocracy: so what?
SwedishDemocracy: he has to get off when his mom goes to bed?
NAW Chris: the computer's in his mom's room
SwedishDemocracy: oh he should take it out
NAW Chris: then what would become of her live web shows?
SwedishDemocracy: oh yeah
SwedishDemocracy: well it can stay
 

Joe Millionaire

SwedishDemocracy: Although 28-year-old Marriott has worked in California in construction, photos of him emerged on the Internet posing in skimpy underwear for a catalog. Then reports surfaced that Sarah had starred in movies such as ``Novices in Knots'' and ``Hogtied,'' and a foot-fetish film ``Dirty Soled Dolls.''
SwedishDemocracy: dirty soled dolls lmao
 

The Simpsons

NAW Chris: this simpsons is hilarious
NAW Chris: mrs. hoover: i'm not teaching you anything until i get my money back lisa. now turn your desk around and stop learning.
[lisa turns desk halfway around]
mrs. hoover: all the way.
[lisa turns desk all the way around facing ralph]
ralph: hi, liar
NAW Chris: it's the wash cloth one
SwedishDemocracy: wash cloth?
SwedishDemocracy: oooooh
SwedishDemocracy: the one where they lied about getting robbed?
NAW Chris: yeah
NAW Chris: marge: [reading a letter] give me my money back you blanking blank. -moe
homer: oh great, now we have to send HIM a thank you card
 

Blob

NAW Chris: i was in the shower when i decided that you're so fat, we shouldn't call you bob, we should call you blob
SwedishDemocracy: wow, added an l
SwedishDemocracy: and you were thinking about me in the shower?...
NAW Chris: i always do
 

Mace

SwedishDemocracy: tell me about this mace
NAW Chris: there's not much to tell
NAW Chris: my dog farts often
SwedishDemocracy: lmao
 

Fat

NAW Chris: i'm cold
NAW Chris: too bad i don't have a few layers of nice warm fat like some people
SwedishDemocracy: hey fuck you
SwedishDemocracy: that is too bad isnt it
 

Adema

NAW Chris: Adema rules
NAW Chris: i'm not gay, but man if i was... the whole band at once, bob. all of 'em
SwedishDemocracy: lmao youre so gay
 

My Being Late

SwedishDemocracy: you should make a site
NAW Chris: i would but i don't have front page
SwedishDemocracy: ha u suck
SwedishDemocracy: u dont know anyone that has it
NAW Chris: we both know that. it's why we're friends *wink*
SwedishDemocracy: what
SwedishDemocracy: youre late in your responses
NAW Chris: i'm late on my period too, and that concerns both of us
SwedishDemocracy: my god
 

Donating My Saved AIM Conversations to Bob's Website

SwedishDemocracy: you saving our conversations
SwedishDemocracy: haha
NAW Chris: i save all of them that i thought i was funny in
SwedishDemocracy: well send me some
NAW Chris: maybe i want them for my site
SwedishDemocracy: cmon
NAW Chris: i'll have to think about this
SwedishDemocracy: cmon chris
SwedishDemocracy: help me out, you'll be a consultant
NAW Chris: i want partnership
NAW Chris: on a professional and personal level
SwedishDemocracy: um...no
 

Abuse

SwedishDemocracy: fag
NAW Chris: i don't have to take that from you
NAW Chris: but i will anyway
SwedishDemocracy: haha
 

Mailing Me FrontPage

SwedishDemocracy: why cant i put it in an envelope with hella stamps
NAW Chris: they'll give it back to you if it doesn't have enough stamps
NAW Chris: or if something's wrong with it
SwedishDemocracy: i dont want it back
NAW Chris: you'll get it back
SwedishDemocracy: i dont want my mom asking questions
SwedishDemocracy: depends which address i put chris...
NAW Chris: pardon me
SwedishDemocracy: i put a different address
SwedishDemocracy: and it doesnt come here
NAW Chris: oh as your return address
SwedishDemocracy: my mom will say "who is this youre sending to"
SwedishDemocracy: "are you giving in to online predators!"
NAW Chris: if you take it to the post office you fill out a little card and you can check a box for if it doesn't make it to me they disregard it
NAW Chris: tell her "yes, he wants to meet me at a hotel on the interstate at 6"
SwedishDemocracy: haha
NAW Chris: i don't know what else to suggest
NAW Chris: take the cd to the post office, they'll give you a big envelope to send it in
SwedishDemocracy: i dont think u get it
NAW Chris: what's the problem with going to the post office?
NAW Chris: does she work there or something
NAW Chris: "oh hi son what's this?" "it's nothing!"
SwedishDemocracy: no
SwedishDemocracy: haha
 

Bob Being Unable to Say No to Food (Even If It's Spoiled)

SwedishDemocracy: my stomach is hurting now
SwedishDemocracy: i should have thrown the turkey away
NAW Chris: ha
SwedishDemocracy: i microwaved the shit out of it too
SwedishDemocracy: kill the germs
NAW Chris: did you boil it in water?
SwedishDemocracy: turkey?
SwedishDemocracy: in water?
NAW Chris: i was kidding
NAW Chris: that's how you kill germs
SwedishDemocracy: microwave does the trick
SwedishDemocracy: sort of
NAW Chris: i'm not sure the microwave is a proven germ killer
SwedishDemocracy: heat is heat chris
NAW Chris: i know
NAW Chris: but a microwave does not kill germs
SwedishDemocracy: heat does
NAW Chris: atleast not 100%
NAW Chris: i know heat does
SwedishDemocracy: i need some of that soap
SwedishDemocracy: dial soap or whatever it is
NAW Chris: yeah, you should've smothered it in anti-bacterial soap
NAW Chris: some liquid soap
SwedishDemocracy: haha at least i wouldnt have gotten germs
NAW Chris: or a cheese grader
NAW Chris: a sprinkle of soap
SwedishDemocracy: haha
 

Bob's Teacher

SwedishDemocracy: my teacher was half crying
SwedishDemocracy: one day
SwedishDemocracy: everyone in the class was pissed or something, because like half the class was arguing and telling each other how much they hated each other
SwedishDemocracy: so she says "guys, people have emotions that hurt, and when they go home, they feel it" and she was almost crying
SwedishDemocracy: then she says
SwedishDemocracy: "so anyone who says anything bad about anyone else loses 5 points..."
SwedishDemocracy: so like if someone said shut up, 5 points
NAW Chris: haha
NAW Chris: five points
NAW Chris: someone goes home and kills themselves and she's like "five points off YOUR homework"
SwedishDemocracy: lmao
 

7th Grade Math

NAW Chris: i remember in 7th grade our math teacher left to have a baby and we got some sub that didn't care what we did. we'd play Speed during class and get in fist fights. and once i touched this girls vagina by accident. it was great
SwedishDemocracy: LMAO what?!
NAW Chris: my elbow grazed it. she was standing watching me play cards
SwedishDemocracy: she was naked?
NAW Chris: i apologized and she just smiled
NAW Chris: she was hot
NAW Chris: no
SwedishDemocracy: oo
SwedishDemocracy: lmao, dumb question
SwedishDemocracy: then u touched her pants NEAR her vagina
SwedishDemocracy: im sure she was standing there naked watching u play cards
NAW Chris: no, i touched full on vagina
NAW Chris: she didn't mind though, she just smiled
SwedishDemocracy: liar u touched pants
SwedishDemocracy: really
NAW Chris: yes, pants
NAW Chris: but pants over vagina
 

Kazaa Participation Levels

SwedishDemocracy: what r u now
SwedishDemocracy: your level
SwedishDemocracy: mine is a solid 18
NAW Chris: High
NAW Chris: drop one more point and i'm a Medium
SwedishDemocracy: u know the levels
NAW Chris: i know medium to high
NAW Chris: i've passed from one to the other several times
SwedishDemocracy: ha
SwedishDemocracy: good thing youre no longer obsessed with it
SwedishDemocracy: OR ARE YOU
NAW Chris: nah, there was no benefit to having the Supreme Being level
NAW Chris: i reached the top and stayed there for a day... that's good enough for me
NAW Chris: it's time to pass the torch. let some other wide-eyed, go-getter reach that level
SwedishDemocracy: lmao wide eyed go getter
SwedishDemocracy: it was a stupid little project
NAW Chris: eventually, everyone reaches that point, bob
SwedishDemocracy: not me
NAW Chris: well, the lucky ones
NAW Chris: the good ones
SwedishDemocracy: im at a constant 18
SwedishDemocracy: occasionally i hit my peak, 19
SwedishDemocracy: then i come back down
NAW Chris: that's nice. not showin' off, not fallin' behind
SwedishDemocracy: haha
SwedishDemocracy: a solid c average
SwedishDemocracy: HE KNOWS HOW TO READ
SwedishDemocracy: a solid c average, right in that meaty part of the curve
 

The Porn Kit

SwedishDemocracy: dude i just remembered something
SwedishDemocracy: i had 2 friends over my house like a year ago
NAW Chris: and...
SwedishDemocracy: and i have a blackbox (illegal cable) and my 2 friends were sleeping in the living room, and one of them got up at 3 in the morning and was watching porno in a corner. then my other friend wakes up and looks at him and he says "no, no, dont judge me!"
SwedishDemocracy: lmao he was huddled in the corner
NAW Chris: ha
SwedishDemocracy: i didnt hear about it till the next morning
NAW Chris: he probably planned that
SwedishDemocracy: and the dude that got caught said "shut up i was just watching it"
NAW Chris: checked the tv guide, set his wrist watch
SwedishDemocracy: and hes supposed to be some super christian
SwedishDemocracy: yeah cause he went to bed at like 8 30
SwedishDemocracy: BEEP BEEP porno time
NAW Chris: he has like a kit for it. ear muff things for both of you so you don't wake up and stuff
NAW Chris: ran drills at his house before he came
SwedishDemocracy: lmao "the wacker kit"
SwedishDemocracy: dry runs
NAW Chris: timed it
SwedishDemocracy: "porn formation!'
 

The Benefits of Leaving College Early to Play in the NFL

NAW Chris: yeah, two seasons and you're set. you'd never have to work again
SwedishDemocracy: yup, then u can go back and get your little degree for fun
SwedishDemocracy: and take someone else's job that needs it
NAW Chris: ha
SwedishDemocracy: im already rich, but fuck it ill take someone else's job for fun
NAW Chris: do i hire this idiot or FORMER PRO BOWL DEFENSIVE TACKLE BOB LEWIS?
SwedishDemocracy: who cares if a family goes hungry? im rich and playing around at this job to keep myself occupied
SwedishDemocracy: haha "this idiot" and that idiot probably has a family and just got laid off
SwedishDemocracy: bob lewis just wants to get out of the house and keep busy
SwedishDemocracy: while joe blow needs money to keep his house
SwedishDemocracy: WELCOME IN BOB LEWIS
SwedishDemocracy: GLAD TO HAVE YOU ON THE TEAM
NAW Chris: he just wants to avoid his wife for a few hours
SwedishDemocracy: haha yeah, get away from the nagging
SwedishDemocracy: rich fucks
NAW Chris: if you're any good, you still have a career in football after you're done playing anyway. and even if you're not really. you can be a defensive coordinator or something
SwedishDemocracy: i know, linebackers coach or OFFENSIVE LINE COACH
SwedishDemocracy: hey guys block that guy, "righto coach"
NAW Chris: ha
NAW Chris: "remember... wear your helmet"
NAW Chris: "you're such a great coach"
SwedishDemocracy: haha "oh yeah thanks"
 

NFL Pre-Game Show Prediction Competition

NAW Chris: "Well Bob it looks like I'm leading in the picks. You're not even above .500" "Either way I'm still filthy fucking rich"
NAW Chris: "If you don't take these picks seriously, you won't win the little bronze football helmet at the end of the year!"
SwedishDemocracy: haha, "well chris, it doesnt matter what my pick percentage is. my name is dan marino. i hold every fucking passing record, i have a huge bank account, ill never run out of money, so it doesnt really fucking matter how i do on this pointless piece of shit picks." "thats right. isnt it great?"
SwedishDemocracy: haha "omg i better shape it up, my family needs to eat tonight...wait no they dont"
SwedishDemocracy: haha you know what would be cool
SwedishDemocracy: whoever gets last in the picks loses their job
SwedishDemocracy: cya boomer
SwedishDemocracy: haha
NAW Chris: ha
NAW Chris: yeah that'd make them care
SwedishDemocracy: they still wouldnt really but i'd make it more interesting
NAW Chris: instead of giving one of those porsche SUVs to the winner, the loser gets RUN OVER by one of those porche SUVs. they still get their product on tv, so what difference does it make
SwedishDemocracy: lmao yeah and howie just gave it to charity
SwedishDemocracy: so it was totally pointless
NAW Chris: "that porche SUV climbed over boomer like he wasn't even there. and i bet it still has a full tank of gas"
NAW Chris: "didn't even have to turn on the 4 wheel drive, dan"
SwedishDemocracy: lol, "look at that 4 wheel action over boomers head. now THATS a good car"
SwedishDemocracy: then they analyze it
NAW Chris: get out the telestrater
SwedishDemocracy: with the yellow pens on the screen
SwedishDemocracy: "see, it hit here, and the raw power just took over and got it up over boomers head"
SwedishDemocracy: "what a machine!"
NAW Chris: haha
NAW Chris: "look at the agony on boomer's face. that tells you there's real power under the hood"
 

Our First FBI Monitored Conversation

SwedishDemocracy: yeah him (Michael Irvin) and erik williams raped a girl at gunpoint and had drugs on them
NAW Chris: haha
NAW Chris: i don't remember that
NAW Chris: how is he not in prison?
NAW Chris: oh yeah, he's rich
SwedishDemocracy: hes a star
SwedishDemocracy: barry switzer got caught at the airport with a gun
SwedishDemocracy: the head coach with a gun
SwedishDemocracy: yeah they raped a girl at gunpoint, had drugs, and were out in time for the game
SwedishDemocracy: jerry jones made sure of that
NAW Chris: damn rich people
SwedishDemocracy: "no way my best wr is gonna be missing the game!"
SwedishDemocracy: "well mr jones, lets just throw some money at the situation and it'll all work out" "sounds good to me"
NAW Chris: there should be some organization that goes around and kills people who get away with murder and stuff like that
SwedishDemocracy: lol yeah chris thats it
NAW Chris: some terrorist type organization
NAW Chris: takes the law into their own hands
SwedishDemocracy: like the people that kill abortion doctors?
NAW Chris: yes
NAW Chris: but they should redirect that killing to what suits me
SwedishDemocracy: haha
SwedishDemocracy: well ill assure you that irvin never killed anyone
SwedishDemocracy: OJ would be first on the list
NAW Chris: OJ
NAW Chris: then some corporate CEOs
NAW Chris: killing isn't the only offense i would order death for
SwedishDemocracy: insulting chris, would that be an offense?
NAW Chris: brutal assualts, rapings... if i didn't like you
NAW Chris: all those
NAW Chris: and insulting me
NAW Chris: aiding and abetting
NAW Chris: like jerry jones, i'm afraid he'd be gone
SwedishDemocracy: no
SwedishDemocracy: dont
SwedishDemocracy: not jerry
NAW Chris: ha
NAW Chris: we said "terrorist." our conversation is probably being monitored
NAW Chris: and there's files on both of us now
SwedishDemocracy: is it really
NAW Chris: we said "terrorist" "killing" "list"
SwedishDemocracy: "I truly hate terrorists, and I do NOT support terrorism"
SwedishDemocracy: files on both of us!
SwedishDemocracy: kill george bush
NAW Chris: yes!