Wednesday June 29, 2005

Ever heard the saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" I was thinking about it recently and decided it's bunk. That can't be further from the truth. It came after thinking about action movies, as odd as that sounds. I was thinking about how much I despise them because they're so unbelievable and they all have basically the same plotlines. What I was thinking about was how there's always, always a love interest for the hero/protagonist/main character.

But then I decided it's best for the characters if there's a love interest because after they've gone through all the crazy, fucked-up things they go through throughout the course of the movie, they've got to be left emotionally, if not physically, scarred for life. They'd be so emotionally scarred that they would be unable to find a partner that was truly understanding of what they had been through and could therefore put up with the crazy things they do to self-medicate themselves.

For instance, say you were forced into the difficult situation of breaking into Alcatraz to foil the attempt of ex-combat victims who are trying to hold the entire city of San Francisco hostage for $100 million. It could happen, right? Well, after all was said and done, it would be nice to have a woman around that doesn't mind your annoying little habit mapping out prison locations and staying 100 miles or more from them at all times, who understands your undeniable fear of being handcuffed during sex, or, who knows, maybe shares your same fears.

Or, maybe some henchmen have stolen the "Goldeneye" and plan to use it to control financial markets around the globe. Maybe at some point you find yourself tied up in a helicopter that is minutes away from blowing itself up and you have to escape. Having a bitch around that understands exactly why you wet your pants and curl up into the fetal position every time you see a helicopter or any missile-shaped object would be very nice. When you've been through that, having a gal there that understands why you beat your own son up because he brought home a model rocket in hopes of building and launching it with your help is a priceless thing to have.

My point is, getting through a tough situation doesn't necessarily make you stronger. In a lot of ways, it's taken steps to get you that much closer to death by saddling you with severe psychological damage and handicapping you for the rest of your life. So next time something goes horribly wrong for you and someone says, "Don't worry, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," do what I do and tell them to shove that bogus little lie they tell themselves right up their ass and that if they want to help, they'll give you some money for the bundle you're going to drop in therapy trying to "work it out."