Monday August 15, 2005

I had another crazy dream. Actually, this was more of a nightmare than anything like the crazy dream I wrote about so long ago. I swear it was worse than any nightmare I ever had. Let me tell you about it.

It was just a normal day at home. I was in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror as I'm known to do randomly throughout the day. My mother was there, maybe not in the bathroom with me, but home. I don't recall exactly. Anyway, I was checking to see if my hairline was receding. I know, it's weird, but I've actually done this a few times in real life.

It wasn't receding. At least not when I first checked. Then I just kept staring at myself until I bent down to pick something up. That's when I caught a glimpse of the top of my head in the mirror. There was a huge bald spot. I then checked my hairline again and it had, in the blink of an eye, receded a few inches.

I went crazy and asked my mother to confirm the bald spot and receding hairline, which she did. My eyes were not playing tricks on me. What made it so bad, much worse than another other nightmare, is that this was an unusually lucid dream. I was so "there" and clear about what was going on that I even at one point hoped or questioned whether or not it was all a dream.

But when you do that, it's never a dream. You never have a clear enough head in a dream to stop and ask yourself if it's a dream; at least I don't. Every time I stop and say to myself, "This has to be a dream," it's never a dream. Never. And I bet if you did stop and think that to yourself in a dream, you'd wake up.

I was so thoroughly convinced that it was all real. I was not only going bald, but I was very far along in the process. Too far to even take preventative steps like use... well, whatever those hair-growing products are. Only 21 years old and I was bald!

I eventually woke up and remembering being so incredibly relieved. So relieved, in fact, that I remembered the dream even after going back to sleep for several hours, waking, going about my day, and then continuing to think about it even now approaching the evening hours.

I guess maybe I have a fear of my body "breaking down" in what should be the prime of my life. That or my vanity is out of control. God am I glad that was just a dream...